That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
