I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
