I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
