I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
