she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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