I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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