I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
