I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
