I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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