I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
