you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
