he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
