How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
