p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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