There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
