I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
