i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
