Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't deserve a penis
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
