He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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