i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
