just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
