I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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