we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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