When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
love makes seman taste better
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
