nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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