Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
