I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
