And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
