I skipped work to stalk him.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
