I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
