We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't notice because vodka
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
