I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
BRING THE BAGELS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
