the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
