WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
