Define "chronic" masturbator.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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