I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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