paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
