Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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