Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
