oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My hand turned me down
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
