nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
