fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
