I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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