i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
