Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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