so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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