It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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