so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
