Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
