I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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